so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
