I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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