OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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