I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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