You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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