Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
