mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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