Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
