There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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