Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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