Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
