A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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