I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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