I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
