Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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