fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
