Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
