I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
