nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
