Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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