my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
