Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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