I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
