Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize