i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
