how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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