but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
