This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
