my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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