don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
