We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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