It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize