I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
