this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
