i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
