He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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