when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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