fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
