At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
where does the pee come out of this thing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
