happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
