i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
