You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
