Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm at about main and main street
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
