You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize