Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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