Someone shattered a urinal.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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