I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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