I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
