So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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