why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
