oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
