Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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