i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
