I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
