discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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