i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
