Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
