Farmville is her only friend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry about my life...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
