So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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