Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
