got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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