i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
