My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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