I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
