did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize