im drinking this country out of the recession.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
