I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
