I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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