You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
