sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
