Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
