oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
