how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
